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A RUSTIC MINSTEEL 
SHOW 

An Entertainment in One Act 



By WILLIS N. BUGBEE 

Author of "Merry Old Maids," "Jolly Bachelors," "Christmas 
Medley," " Easter Tidings," " New Pastor," etc. 



Copyright, 1912, by Dick & Fitzgerald 



NEW YORK 

DICK & FITZGERALD 
18 ANN STREET 



Note. — The professional acting rights of tnis play are 
expressly reserved by the publishers, to whom theatrical 
managers who wish to produce it, should apply. Amateur 
representation may be made without such application and 
without charge. 



A RUSTIC MINSTREL 
SHOW 



CHARACTERS 

Ted Slocum Originator of the ^'show^' 

John Burke His chum 

Henry Slocum A jovial farmer 

Pat. McGinnis A gardener 

Uncle Rastus A shifless character 

Solomon Levi A pack peddler 

PiETRO A street-piano player 

Mrs. Henry Slocum An energetic farmer's wife 

Nora Haggerty A servant girl 

Aunt Dinah Wife of Uncle Rastus 

BiANCA Pietro's wife 

Victoria A gypsy fortune-teller 

Haymakers, any number for chorus 
Dairymaids may he used in chorus, if desired. 

Time of Playing. — About one hour and a quarter. 



COSTUMES AND PROPERTIES 

Ted Slocum. — A boy of 14 or 15 years. He wears 
overalls or cheap working trousers, colored shirt, no coat 
nor vest, large straw hat. 

John Burke. — Similar to Ted's costume. 

Henry Slocum. — Chin whiskers. Overalls, checked 
shirt, no coat nor vest, large straw hat. 

Pat. McGinnis. — Working costume, colored shirt; large 
stow hat, heavy shoes. Wheelbarrow. 



©CID 30402 



A Rustic Minstrel Show 3 

Uncle Rastus. — White chin beard of crepe hair, wig, 
and face and hands blacked. He wears coarse vest and 
trousers patched with different colors, no coat, torn straw 
hat. Should have banjo or violin. 

Solomon Levi. — Short stubby beard of reddish brown. 
Cheap suit, low-crowned derby hat. One or two large 
packs. 

PiETRO. — Black mustache. Coarse dark suit, soft black 
hat, red kerchief about neck. Hand organ or mouth 
organ {See suggestions). 

Mrs. Slocum. — Ordinary house dress or wrapper. 

Nora Haggerty. — Plain work dress, large gingham 
apron, sleeves rolled up. 

Aunt Dinah. — Rather fleshy and with face and hands 
blacked. She wears very wide skirt and large apron of 
bright colors, bandanna turban or cheap hat gaily trimmed. 
Large clothes basket well filled and covered with cloth to 
represent a washing, 

BiANCA. — Yellow skirt with bands of black braid trim- 
ming, white blouse and blue velveteen bodice, small round 
apron, bright scarf about shoulders, earrings, no hat. 
Tambourine. 

Victoria. — Short red skirt and dark waist both trimmed 
with beads or tinsel, wreath of tinsel, bracelets, necklace 
or other jewelry. 

Haymakers. — Overalls, light work shirts, no coats nor 
vests, large straw hats. Hay rakes. 



STAGE SETTING 

The stage represents a country dooryard in haying 
time. The surroundings should be made as rustic as 
possible. This effect may be made more realistic by 
means of artificial vines, potted plants, etc. There should 
be two or three benches or rustic settees on stage. A 
section of strongly-built, rough board fence should be 
placed at rear of stage with a wide board on top for hay- 
makers to sit upon. 



4 



A Rustic Minstrel Show 



Following is the scene plot and arrangement of charac- 
ters during the minstrel performance: 

Fence 




12 



2 13 




Front 



Explanation of Scene Plot 

1.— Mr. Slocum {Middleman). 

2.— Ted Slocum. 

3. — John Burke. 

4. — Pietro. 

5. — Victoria. 

6. — ^Bianca. 

7. — Solomon Levi. 

8. — Nora Haggerty. 

9. — ^Aunt Dinah. 
10. — Pat McGinnis (Endman), 
11. — Uncle Rastus {Endman). 
12.— Haymakers (Chorus), 



A FEW SUGGESTIONS 

The jokes, gags, conundrums, etc., may be changed 
{^bout or omitted to suit conditions. Local jokes may be 



A Rustic Minstrel Show 6 

introduced to good advantage. Everyone should appear 
deeply interested while jokes, etc., are rendered. All should 
proceed with a snap and vim, and nothing allovv^ed to 
drag. Many little additional by-plays and specialties may 
be introduced at various times by the Haymakers and 
others, but everything should be rehearsed beforehand. 

The list of songs may include the old-time favorites or 
the popular songs of the day, but should be rendered in 
the dialect if possible. The tune '^ Solomon Levi" may be 
found in ''College Songs" (Oliver Ditson Co., Boston, 
50 cents). ''Catch the Sunshine" is found in "Old- 
Favorite Songs" (A. Flanagan Co., Chicago, 5 cents.) 

For a full evening entertainment it may be well to 
close with a short, lively farce. The publishers of this 
book will suggest suitable farces. 

The hand-organ mentioned herein may be made by 
covering a square wooden box with black or brovvm cloth 
and inserting a crank in one end. A strap should be 
attached for hanging it over the shoulder. The Italian 
simply turns the crank with one hand, and produces the 
music with mouth organ held in the other hand. A small 
music box is much better if one is obtainable. 

Instead of the conundrums and jokes introduced in the 
body of the work, the following may be substituted, if 
so desired. 

There's only one thing that bothers me. 

And what is that? 

Will a Japanese hen sit on a China egg? 

What horse are you backing to-day? 

I'm playing the Hard Egg. 

Hasn't a chance. 

Oh, I don't know. How can you beat it? 

What is the best day for making pan cakes? 
Fri-day. 

What is the difference between a grass hopper and a 
grass widow? 
None. They both jump at the first chance. 



6 A Rustic Minstrel Show 

Why should young ladies be employed in the Post 
Office? 

Because they can manage the males. 

When is a cow not a cow? 
When it is turned into a field. 

Did you read that article in the paper this morning 
how to tell a bad egg? 

No. But if you have anything to tell a bad egg, I would 
advise that you break it gently. 

Can you tell me what the three quickest ways of com- 
munication are? 

That is a hard one. I always had an idea that the 
telegraph was the quickest. 

That's where you're wrong; there is very little difference 
in these three. 

Well, what are the three quickest ways of communica- 
tion? 

Telegraph, telephone, and tell a woman. 

Does your wife miss you much? 

No. For a woman she has a remarkably good aim. 

Why is a woman like an umbrella? 

Because she's made of ribs and attached to a stick. 

No; guess again. 

Because nobody ever gets the right one. 

Wrong; have another go at it. 

Because she fades with age. 

Naw! Nothing like it. 

Because she's a good thing to have in the house. 

Nix; not within a mile of it. 

Because you can't find any pocket in either. 

Again wrong. All done? Well, I will tell you why a 
woman is like an umbrella — because she is accustomed 
to reign. 

You remember that very handsome watch I lost five 
or six years ago? 



A Rustic Minstrel Show 7 

Yes, I recall the occurrence. 

You remember how I looked high and low for it, and 
could not find it anywhere? 

I remember your diligent and exhaustive search. 

Well, yesterday I put on an old waistcoat that I hadn't 
worn for years, and what do you think I found in the 
pocket? 

Your watch. Do let me congratulate you. 

No. I found the hole that I must have lost it through. 

What was the matter with your boarding-house? I see 
you have made a change. 

Well, I tell you; the first week I was there the calf died 
and we had veal for a whole week, then the cow died and 
we lived on beef for a week, after which their big New- 
foundland dog died, so I decided it was time to get out 
and take no chances. 

Mamma, do men ever go to heaven? 
Why, of course, my dear. What makes you ask? 
Because I never see pictures of angels with whiskers. 
Well, some men do go to heaven, but they get there 
by a close shave. 

They are sending animals through the mails now. 

Is that so? 

Yes. To-day I got a letter with a seal on it. 

What relation is a door-step to a door-mat? 
What relation? 
A step-farther. 

When is a man thinner than a shingle? 
That's a hard one; when is he? 
When he's a shaving. 

Here's a good one I heard to-day: A ball player went to 
the doctor's office to have his fingers fixed up. After the 



8 A Rustic Minstrel Show 

doctor had finished he asked him if he would be able to 
play the piano after they healed. The doctor said, ''You 
certainly will." ''Well, you're a wonder, then, doc, for 
I never could before." 



STAGE DIRECTIONS 

As seen by a performer on the stage, facing audience, 
R. indicates right of stage, c. center; r. c. right center; 
L. left; L. c. left center, up means toward back of stage; 
DOWN, towards footlights. 



A RUSTIC MINSTREL 
SHOW 



Scene. — Dooryard of the Slocum home. TIME. — A little 
before twelve o'clock noon on a midsummer day. 



INTRODUCTION 

ENTER Ted, r., and sits wearily upon bench. 
Ted. Gee! I'm tired of working all the time. I don't 
get hardly a minute to myself no time. It's always and 
forever hoeing corn or taters or raking hay or something 
else. Wish there was something going on 'round here 
once in a while. Wish I could go to another one of them 
minstrel shows that pa' n' me went to down in New York 
last summer where they all sat 'round in a circle an' told 
stories an' sang songs, Gee! Didn't pa laugh, though, 
when they told some of them funny yarns. I thought 
he'd bust hisself sometimes. Wonder why we don't ever 
have none here in Spicerville. I'd get one up myself if 
I could only find boys enough, but something seems to 
be the matter with 'em all. Bert Griggs has gone to his 
uncle's down to Pokeville; Henry Green's sick abed; 
Floyd Smith's got company an' — well everybody's gone 
away or sick or something. (Pause. Looks toward l.) 
Oh, good! Here comes John Burke. (Calls and beckons) 
Hurry up, John! You're just the feller I want to see. 

ENTER John, l. 

John. What's the matter now, Ted? 
Ted. I've got an idea, John. Let's you' n' me get up a 
minstrel show. 



10 A Rustic Minstrel Show 

John. A minstrel show? What's that? ^ , 

Ted. Why, don't you know? A lot of us fellows sit 
'round in a circle like this. (Arranges benches as in dia- 
gram) An' then we sing songs an' crack jokes an' have a 
lot of fun. 

John. Who's we? 

Ted. I dunno yet. I've just thought of it, so you're 
the first one I've seen. 

John. Well, here comes old Pat McGinnis. Let's 
ask him for one. 

Ted. What? Pat McGinnis? He's a pretty old boy, 
ain't he? 

John. Pa says a person's just as old's he feels so if 
Pat feels like a boy it's just as good's being one. 

ENTER Pat l., trundling a wheelbarrow. 

John. Good morning, Mr. McGinnis. 

Pat. The top uv the mornin' to yez, me byes. Phwat's 
the throuble this mornin'? 

Ted. 'Tain't any trouble but — but we want to ask 
you a question. 

Pat. Wall, fire away thin. Don't yez be scairt uv 
askin' ould Pat McGinnis onything that comes into yer 
head. 

Ted. Can you sing, Mr. McGinnis? 

Pat. Can I sing? Wull, now, that's a quare quistion 
to be askin'. Did yuz niver hear how I was the prize 
singer in the county uv Killarney whin I was a bye? But 
why will yuz be afther askin' that? 

Ted. We're thinldng of getting up a show an' we 
want you to sing in it, if you will. 

Pat. 'Tis mesilf is always ready to hilp the byes. I'll 
do the bist I can for yez. 

Ted. Oh, good! We'll start it right away quick. Sit 
down here. (Pat takes place as in diagram) 

ENTER Nora, r. 

Nora (to audience). Wull, now, did yuz iver see the 
loike uv this? Here's Pat McGinnis settin' down wid 



A Rustic Minstrel Show 11 

the byes as aisy an' continted as if he'd been born a gintle- 
mon uv lashure. {To Pat) 'Tis a foine toime yez ar^ 
havin', Pat. 

Pat. Yis, so I am. 

Ted. Oh, Nora, we want you to help us, too. 

Nora. Hilp yez phwat? 

Ted. Sing. 

Nora {to audience). Arrah, an' phwat d'yez think uv 
that? {To Ted) An' for phwat wu'd I be afther singin'. 

Ted. We're getting ready for a show an' we want you 
to sing in it. You may sit here. {Shows position) 

Pat. 'Tis yersilf will be a shtar an' mesilf the ladin' 
mon. 

Nora. Worse an' worse! Howsumiver I b'lave I will 
sit down an' rist a shpell. It's schrubbin' an' diggin' I've 
been doin' all the mornin' wid niver a minute's rist. {Sits 
down heavily) 

John. Who else'll we have? 

Ted {pointing to l.). See! They're coming now. We 
won't have to wait long. 

John. What? Uncle Rastus and Aunt Dinah? 

Ted. Of course! If we're going to have old folks, 
they're just the kind to have in a minstrel show. 

John. Can they sing? 

Ted. Oh, gee! You'd ought to hear 'em. 

ENTER Uncle Rastus and Aunt Dinah, l., carrying 
between them a very large clothes-basket. They set it down 
near front of stage. 

Aunt D. Fo' de Ian' sakes! Wha's goin' on? Habin' 
yo' likenesses took? 

Uncle R. Hi, gracious! Ain't dey a scrumptious 
lookin' couple. Ho ! ho ! he ! he ! {Stands with arms akimbo 
and stares at them) 

Aunt D. Come erlong, hyah, yo' good fo nuthn, 
shif'less niggah. W'at yo' standin' gawpin' like dat fo'? 
Jes' he'p me tote dis yere washin'. {They pick up clothes- 
basket and start off slowly) 
• Ted. No, no, don't go yet. Stay an' help us smg. 



12 A Rustic Minstrel Show 

Uncle R. Wat's dat? He'p yo' sing? 

Ted. Yes, help us sing in our minstrel show. 

Aunt D. Law sabe yo', chile, how yo' spec's me an' 
my oV man gwine he'p yo' sing? 

Ted. Oh, I've heard you singing lots of times when 
I've been by your house. 

Aunt D. Lan' sakes! Don't yo' know dat warn't 
comp'ny singin'? Dat yere was only fo' our own 'muse- 
ment. 

John. This is for our own 'musement, too, Aunt 
Dinah. We ain't going to have any company either 'cept 
folks we see every day. 

Nora. Faith, yez had betther be afther settin' down 
to plaze the byes. It's a show they do be gettin' up wid 
us for the actors. Jist think uv that, will yez. 

Uncle R. Come erlong, Dinah. Let dat ol' washin' 
go to Bungay. I'se gotter sot down an' res'. I'se plumb 
tiahed out. 

Aunt D. Yes, yo'se allers tiahed. Yo' was bo'n dat 
way. 

Ted. Sit down here Aunt Dinah an' Uncle Rastus. 
(They set down clothes-basket after which Uncle Rastus 
slyly puts it into Pat's wheelbarrow. They take seats as 
directed) 

Uncle R. Say, Dinah, I jes' now t'o't ob somethin'. 
Hadn't yo' bettah trot 'long home an' fotch me my banjo? 

Aunt D. I jes' like to know who's yo' niggah waitah 
las' year. No, sah, I'se got sot down now ' n' I ain't gwine 
stir fo' nuffin', not eben fo' a harry cane nor a yarthquake. 

Uncle R. Den I spec's I'se gotter go myse'f. I jes' 
can't do nuffin' in de singin' line wivout dat ol' banjo. 
(Any other instrument may be substituted. Uncle Rastus 
rises and passes slowly to l.) 

Ted. Well, hurry up. Uncle Rastus. 

Uncle R. Yes, sah, I gwine be back yere in de jerk 
of a lamb's tail. [EXIT l. A^jound of hand organ or 
mouth organ is heard outside. 

John. Oh, here comes some one else. 

Ted. a hurdy-gurdy man, sure's you're born. That's 
just the thing. 



A Rustic Minstrel Show 13 

ENTER PiETRO and Bianca r. 

PiETRO. We mak-a da fin-a music on da strit pianna 
an' da tambourin'. We play-a da tunes wat everabody 
lak. You pay-a da mon' an' we mak-a da music. 

Ted {taking pennies from pockets and counting them), 
I'll give you five cents to play for us. 

John. And I'll give you three cents. That's all I've 
got. 

PiETRO. AU-a right. 

"Ting-a ting, ting! Hear 'ow it sing — 
Come, drop-a some money in! 

(Bianca holds tambourine for money. Boys drop pennies 
in) 

All-a right, Bianc', I turn-a da crank, 
You shak-a da tambourin'." 

[Iru)in] 

{They begin to play) 

Ted. No, no, not yet. Wait till we get ready. 

PiETRO. No? Not-a play yet? For wat-a you geeta 
ready? 

John. We're going to have a show an' we want you 
to play in it. These folks are all going to sing. 

PiETRO. Jus' lak-a da great Cams'. AU-a right. 
Come, Bianc', we help-a to mak-a da show. 

Ted. Sit down here {Motions to seats) 

Pat. Begorra, ye're gettin' along foine. 'Twill be 
good as a circus, I'm thinkin'. 

Nora. I wonder phwat'U come nixt. 

John. Let's begin. Show us how it goes, Ted. 

Ted. All right. You' n' me'll sit right here in the 
middle. We'll be the middlemen. 

John. Middlemen? 

Ted. Yes, we have to have middleman and endmen. 
Uncle Rastus and Pat can be endmen. Sit down an' 
you'll see how it goes soon enough. You ' n' me have got 
to sing the first song an' the others can join in the chorus. 
We'll sing . {Mentions some old-time favorite or popu- 
lar song. They prepare to sing when interrupted by Aunt 
Dinah) 



14 A Rustic Minstrel Show 

Aunt D. (pointing to l.). Fo' de Ian' sakes! See 
w'at's comin' up de road now. He! he! he! Anodder 
condition to de show. 

John. Sure enough. It's old Solomon Levi. 

ENTER Solomon Levi, l., tugging one or two heavy 
packs which he sets at front of stage. 

Sol. {straightening up). Veil, ladies undt shentlemens, 
now vas der dime to get der pargains. Efrydings vas 
sheap like you nefer saw before. Shpenders for der vim- 
min folks undt pettigotes for der — no, no, dot vas wrong — 
pettigotes for der men undt shpenders for der vimmins. 
By cracious, I don't got it right some more, but nefer 
mind. You vant to py, heyf 

Pat. Begorra, yer tongue is twisted loike a pig's tail — 
an' we don't want to buy nayther hay nor straw. 

John. We've got other business, Solomon. 

Sol. Veil, den I goes apout mein peesness, too, but 
ven you see dhose neighbor vimmins all vearin' dem sheap 
pettigotes you'll be sorry you missed der great par- 
gains. 

[Picks up packs and EXITS, R. 

Nora. Begorra, he'd betther set down an' jine the 
circus. 

Ted. Oh, yes, I forgot. (Calls) Mr. Solomon! Oh, 
Mr. Levi! 

Sol. (returning). You vant to py von off dem petti- 
gotes, hey? 

Ted. No, we want you to sing for us. 

Sol. (laughing). Sing for you? Veil, veil, dot vas von 
goot shoke. I only know von song alreaty. 

Ted. Well, that's the one we want you to sing bimeby 
in our show. Sit right here, Mr. Levi. (He sets pack at 
front and a little to one side of stage so as not to obstruct the 
view of actors. Looks at watch) 

Sol. Meppe I vill shtay after all. Idt vas getting near 
dinner time soon. (Sits down) 

John. Now we're ready to begin, ain't we? 

Ted. Yes, I guess so. We'll start the song now. (They 
get all ready to sing again when interrupted by Nora) 



A Rustic Minstrel Show 16 

N'ORA. Faith, an' here's some wan else comin', sure's 
prachin' — an' a quare lookin cratchur she is thot. 

John. Who is it, anyway — oh, I know — it's one of 
the gypsies that's camping down by Blake's woods. They 
tell fortunes. 

ENTER Victoria l. 

Victoria. Yes, I tell fortunes — ^nice fortunes. {To 
Nora) You have fortune told, lady? 

Nora. No, I've no fortune at all but me face an' me 
hands. 

Victoria {turning to Pat.). You have your fortune 
told, mister — good fortune? 

Pat. Wull, now, do I look loike a mon uv fortune? 
I've been thryin' to make me fortune iver since I came 
from ould Ireland but it's purthy slow wurrk, I do be 
tellin' yez. 

John. Say, Miss Gypsy woman, can you sing? 

Victoria. Sometimes I sing and dance when I have 
no fortunes to tell. 

John. We'd a good deal rather have you sing than tell 
fortunes. 

Victoria. Then I sing you a song like the gypsies 
sing. {Prepares to sing) 

Ted. No, not now. Sit down an' wait till your turn 
comes. {She takes seat) Now we must begin an' we won't 
stop again — not even for the Shah of Persia or the king 
of the Cannibal Islands. {They get into 'position to sing 
again) 

ENTER Uncle Rastus l. out of breath. 

Uncle R. Well, I'se done got hyah at las'. Had de 
mos' distracted time a-findin' dat ol' banjo yo' ebber see 
in yo' bo'n days. 

Aunt D. {pulling him into seat). Sh — sh — ! Can't 
yo' see dat yo'se disruptin' de perfo'mance? {A sound of 
voices outside) 

Ted. Gee whillikins! I don't believe we'll ever get 
this thing started way folks keep a-coming. 



16 A Rustic Minstrel Show 

ENTER Mr. Slocum and Haymakers, l 

Mr. S. Wal, I vum! What kind of a rumpus is this 
here? 

Ted. 'Tain't no rumpus, pa. It's a minstrel show like 
we saw down in New York last summer. 

Mr. S. a minstrel show, eh? Wal, I should remark. 
So this is what ye're dewin' 'stead of rakin' hay. (Looks 
around and laughs) Haw! haw! Kinder curious combina- 
tion ye've got, eh? 

Ted. Oh, say, pa, I've just thought of something. 
You'd make the bulliest kind of a middleman. Will you, 
pa? 

John. Yes, Mr. Slocum, do. 

Mr. S. Wal, I snum. What'd yer ma say if she'd 
come out here 'n' find me a-playin' minstrel show when 
I'd orter be to work? I ruther guess she'd say I was a 
bloomin' idjut. 

Pat. Niver moind phwat the wimmin sez. They're 
a lot uv ould geese an' their tongues are always a-waggin' 
at both inds. 

Nora. Yez betther moind phwat ye're talkin' about 
the wimmin, Pat McGinnis, or yez'U be afther gettin' 
yersilf into throuble right away. 

Mr. S. Wal, I dunno's I've got any serious objections 
arter all. Yes, boys, I'll be yer middleman. 

All. Oh, good! 

Mr. S. {to Haymakers). An' you fellers can set on 
the fence back there an' help us out in the chorus if ye 
want to. I guess we can stand it to rest a leetle while 
'fore dinner. {The Haymakers take seats upon the fence 
immediately back of the singers. Mr. Slocum takes seat as 
in diagram) 

Ted. We were going to start it off by singing {Any 
selection) pa. 

Mr. S. All right. Go ahead. {The boys sing, Hay- 
makers and ethers joining in the chorus. Uncle Rastus 
plays banjo, Pietro plays mouth organ or handorgan, and 
BiANCA plays the tambourine) 



A Rustic Minstrel Show it 

THE MINSTREL SHOW 

(7/ desired, the remaining portion of the entertainment 
may he rendered separately, omitting all of the foregoing 
introduction. Thus with very few slight changes, it may be 
played by adults alone. In such event the whole company 
joins in singing the opeiiing chorus) 

Mr. S. That's a mighty good send-off. I feel like a 
boy agin myself. How is't with you, Uncle Rastus? 

Uncle R. I feels powahful chipper, too — ^jes' like a 
li'l pickanin'. {He may prove his assertion by taking a few 
dance steps) 

Mr. S. Feel like givin' us a leetle music? 

Uncle R. Yes, sah. Come, Dinah, I spec's we's 
gotter splatterate 'fore dis yere convention. (Dinah rises 
and both get in readiness to sing. Uncle Rastus turns 
suddenly to Mr. Slocum) Say, boss, does yo' know w'y 
I lubs my Dinah so? 

Aunt D. Sho! G'long wiv yo' fool questions. 

Uncle R. 'Tain't no fool question, nuther. {To 
company) I lub dis gal like all possessed. I'd do anyt'ing 
fo' her — anything but wu'k. She's de jewel ob my heart, 
a gem ob de fust water, an' she's wuth her weight in gold — 
in de gold coin ob de realm. {To middleman) Does I hear 
de answer to my question? 

Mr. S. Reckon it's 'cause she's a black diamond, 
Uncle Rastus. 

Uncle R. Yo' come mighty close to it, yo' did fo' 
a fac'. {Puts his arm about Dinah's waist.) 

I tells yo' w'y dis gal I lub, — 
'Case she's de one w'at earns de grub. 

Aunt D. Come erlong hyah if yo'se gwine to sing. 
{Gives him quick jerk. They sing some good negro song. 
Uncle Rastus playing on the banjo. If an encore is called 
for they may execute a cake walk) 

Mr. S. Speakin' of lovin' yer Dinah, I heerd you an' 
she had a row t'other night. Uncle Rastus. 

Uncle R. Yo' heerd we had a row? 



18 A Rustic Minstrel Show 

Mr. S. That's what I heerd. 

Aunt D. A row? Wy de idee! Me'n' my ol' man 
nebber has any rows. 

Uncle R. Dat suttenly am a gweat disrepresentation 
ob de fac's. Who tol' yo' sech outlandish fooUshness as 
dat? 

Mr. S. a feller was goin' by there t'other night an' 
saw ye hit him over the head with a tater masher. 

Aunt D. Well, w'at ob dat? Dat don't prove nuffin'. 

Mr. S. Don't prove nothin'? Wal, I swan.. 'Twould 
come purty nigh bein' a row if my wife done it to me. 

Aunt D. Law sabe yo', man, dat's jes' common 
'currence. 

Uncle R. Reckon I mus' been sleepin'. I ain't 
nebber seen nor felt nuffin ob it. 

Aunt D. Ho! ho! Now I recomembers de 'casion. 
Dat warn't no row. Yo' see he was sleepin' so loud dat I 
jes' had to tap him ober de head to discomflummicate 
de nightmare w'at was gettin' de best ob him, but Ian' 
sakes, yo' don't spec's he feels a li'l ting like a tater masher 
or a rollin' pin, does yo'? Sometimes I has to use a flat- 
iron. 

Pat. That ramoinds me uv me frind Lawrence O'Toole. 
He's the greatest hand for gettin' into schrapes yez iver 
saw. Only this mornin' I had a letther from him an' he's 
jist got into anither wan. 
■ Mr. S. What kind of scrape, Pat? 

Pat. 'Tis a bad wan this toime. He's got married. 

Mr. S. Wal, I swan I pity the poor feller. 

Pat. Yis, yez're right. He nades it. He's gone an' 
married some koind uv a furriner, I duimo just phwat. 

Mr. S. Ye're sure 'twan't a Dutchman? 

Sol. Yoost like as not it vas a dago. 

PiETRO. I beta da mon it was a sheeny. 

Nora. Or may be a naygur. 

Pat. 'Twas naythur wan. I've jist now thought. 
She's some kind uv a cross betwane a brunette an' a 
suffragette. 

Mr. S. Haw! haw! A brunette ain't a foreigner. 

Pat. Wull; phwat is it thin? 



A Rustic Minstrel Show Id 

Mr. S. It means a dark complected person, Pat. 

Pat. Loike Uncle Rastus an' Aunt Dinah? 

Mr. S. No, they're chocolate drops. Something hke 
our gypsy friend here. 

Pat. Wull, that's betther, but phwat iver does he 
mane by a suffragette? Loike enough she's suff'rin' from 
poor health or tired falin's. 

Mr. S. It's ten to one yir friend Lawrence'll do most 
of the suff'rin'. 

Pat. That's jist it. He's a suff'rin' gent. Begorra 
he's in a worse fix than whin he swallered his set uv false 
teeth or whin he tumbled into the sewer. 

Uncle R. Golly, he suah am a gweat han' fo' gettin' 
into scrapes. 

Pat. Wid Nora's hilp I'll now sing yez a little song 
jist for a divarsion. (Pat. and Nora sing old favorite or 
popular Irish song) 

Mr. S. Now I've got a few conundrums for yew folks. 
Uncle Rastus are ye good at guessin'? 

Uncle R. Yes, sah, I'se a powahful good han' at 
guessin' quermmdrums, I is fo' a fac'. 

Aunt D. Dat's all he is good fo'. He ain't good fo' 
nuffin else. 

Mr. S. Wal, here's one. Why is an otermobile like 
an old maid's kiss? 

Uncle R. W'y is an ortermobile like an ol' maid's 
kiss? Golly, dat suah am a sticker. Does yo' mean a 
real ol' maid or a sorter youngish one? 

Mr. S. I mean an unmarried female woman over 
forty years old. 

Uncle R. Yes, sah, I'se well 'quainted wiv de article. 
Dere's a good many ob dem kind right 'round dis yere 
neighborhood. 

Aunt D. Does yo' mean to tell me, Rastus Johnsing, 
dat yo'se 'quainted wiv dem ol' maids? 

Uncle R. Yes — N-no — dat is, I'se nebber got 'quainted 
wiv dere kisses. 

Mr. S. Are ye goin' to answer that conundrum, 
Uncle Rastus? 

Uncle R. Yes, sah. ''W'y am an ol' maid's kiss like 



2d A Rustic Minstrel Show 

a benzine buggy?" W'y 'case — 'case dey was bof so long 
bein' diskivered. 

Pat. Begorra, it's 'cause they've both got a bad flavor. 

Mr. S. Ye're both wrong. Ye never know where 
they're goin' to land when they once get started. 

Nora. Faix, an' I b'lave ye've thried it yersilf. 

Mr. S. Sol, I hear ye're purty well posted on the 
fashions. 

Sol. Ya, I dink so. 

Mr. S. What kind of neckwear is best for a millionaire? 

Sol. Yoost like John D. Rockyveller? 

Mr. S. Yes. 

Sol. Veil den I dink shtocks vould be apout right. 

Mr. S. An' what kind for a poor man? 

Sol. For a poor man? 

Mr. S. Yes, like Pat. McGinnis, for instance. 

Sol. Veil, I dink der pest ding for him vould pe a 
shlipnoose. 

Pat. Ye blackguard! I'll be afther tachin' yez betther 
manners. 

Mr. S. Hold on! We can't have any quarrelin' here. 
Now what's the latest thing in dresses, Sol? 

Sol. Py shiminy cracious, dot's too much for me. 
Vot ish der latest, anyvay? 

Mr. S. Night dresses. Now here's one for yew, Pat. 

Pat. Yis, sor. 

Mr. S. What's the difference between a tailor an' a 
footrace? 

Pat. Betwane a tailor an' a footrace? 

Mr. S. That's it. 

Pat. Begorra ye've got me bate siven ways for Sunday. 
Mebbe he runs a footrace to get his pay. 

Mr. S. a tailor makes pants for a man an' a footrace 
makes a man pant. 

Pat. Yez are right, it does, an' thot ramoinds me uv 
me frind Terrence O'Shaughnessy. He bought a pair uv 
pants in New York wance an' phwat d'yez think? Nixt 
day he wint down to Coney Island wid his woife an' be- 
fure he'd been there two hours a polacemon shtepped up 
to him, an' layin' his hand on his shoulder, he sez, sez he, 



A Rustic Minstrel Show 21 

''Mister, yez can come along wid me to the shtation house. 
It's aginst the law to be goin' around here wid nothin' 
on but yer bathin' suit." 

Sol. Yoost so. He'd forgot to shange his bathin' 
suit, hey? 

Pat. Niver a bit uv a bathin' suit was it. 'Twas thim 
same pants he bought uv the Jew. The damp air had 
shrunk 'em clane away up to his knees. 

Sol. He should haf gone to a first-class second-hand 
store for his clodings. Den dey vould haf been alreaty 
shrunk. {He sings "Solomon Levi'' or any good Hebrew 
song) 

Pat. Did yez iver see a barn dance, Rastus? 

Uncle R. Did I ebber see a barn dance? No, sah, 
I nebber did, but Pse seen a cake walk. 

Pat. Wal, that's jist as good. It's yer turn nixt. 

Uncle R. Well, den I'se gwine to ax one of Nora 
dis time. Yo'se altogedder too sm'at yo'se'f. {To Nora) 
Wat is it has ears an' can't hear nuffin'? 

Nora. Why, pitchers, to be shure. 'Tis an' ould 
say in' that ''Little pitchers have large ears." 

Uncle R. Dat may be all right, but in dis case it am 
all wrong. 

Nora. Wull, phwat is it? 

Uncle R. Co'n. 

Nora. Phwat koind uv corn — pop corn or shwate 
corn? 

Uncle R. Any kin' ob co'n. It don' make no dif- 
f'runce. 

Nora. Faix, an' there's no ears on my corns, {Holds 
out foot) but yez betther not be afther steppin' on 'em. 

Uncle R. An' here's anudder one. Wat has eyes 
an' can't see nuffin nor nebber sheds any tears? 

Nora. Shure an' it's praties, but yez are wrong about 
the tears. Did yez niver hear thot if onions are planted 
wid 'em they'll dhraw wather from the eyes uv the praties 
in a dhry shpell. (Pietro begins to nod. Bianca shakes 
him) 

Mr. S. Come, Pietro, wake up. Don't go to sleep 
here. 



22 A Rustic Minstrel Show 

PiETKO (rousing). I no go^nna sleep. 

Mr. S. Say, how long ye been in this country, Pietro? 

PiETRO. I beena deesa country mos' seexa mont 
a-ready. 

Mr. S. An' ye can't talk wuth a cent yet. 

Pietro. I go'nna learn-a talk good-a English som-a 
time. 

Pat. It's the good ould summer toime now. 

Mr. S. Ye like America purty well, do ye? 

Pietro. Deesa vera good-a country but for wan 
thing. 

Mr. S. What's that? 

Pietro. Evera where I go, everabody call-a me dago- 
man. Soma day I go'nna be a 'Mericana masel'. Evera- 
day I turna da crank an' mak-a da strit pianna breeng-a 
in da mon'. Bimeby I go'nna getta beeg-a beezaness. 
Den mebbe dey stop-a call-a me dagoman. 

Ted. Oh, pa, we paid him for some music. 
• Pietro. You gotta ready for da music? 

Ted. Yes, go ahead. 

Pietro. ''All-a right, come Bianc', I turn-a da crank, 
You shak-a da tambourin'." 

(Pietro plays on mouth organ or hand organ. Bianca 
plays on tambourine and sings some popular Italian song. 
Uncle Rastus may accompany them with banjo) 

Mr. S. Say, Rastus, did ye ever hear of Minnie? 

Uncle R. Yes, sah, I'se heerd ob lots of Minnies. 

Mr. S. Ye orter go an' see this one. 

Uncle R. W'y — who is she? 

Mr. S. Minne-sota. 

Ted. I thought you was going to say Minne-apo-lis, pa. 

Uncle R. I'se dono heerd ob Minne-ha-ha, too. She's 
de gweates' han' fo' tumblin' down. 

Mr. S. For tumbhn' down? 

Uncle R. Yes, sah. Hain't yo' nebber hear 'bout de 
Falls ob Minne-ha-ha? (Continues laughing) Ha! ha! ha! 
ha! 

Pat. Spakin' uv names, I know a feller by the name 
uv John Quil. 

Pietro. I know a man-a by da nam-a Tom-a Ato. 



A Rustic Minstrel Show 23 

^OL. Veil, I know von py der name off Mary-gold, 

Ted. I've heard of Timothy Cloverseed. 

Aunt D. I knows a preacher by de name ob Elder 

Berrv 

Pat. Wull, did yez iver hear uv the Bate family? 
Ahh (interested). No, tell us about 'em. . , 

Pat. Wull, there was foive in the family begmnm 

wid the ould mon — , , . i i, 7 

Uncle R. He was de fodder beet— de ol mangel 

Pat. ' Then come the mither— an' a shwate cratchur 
she was indade. 

Uncle R. She was de sugar beet. 

Pat. An' nixt come the children. 

Uncle R. Dey was de young tender beets. 

Pat, But they kept the ould folks in a pickle the hull 
toime wid their cuttin's up. . , , ^ , ^ 

Uncle R. Den dey was all pickled beets. ^ 

Pat. But wance upon a toime it come a cold day an 
they ail froze to death— ivry wan uv thim. 

Uncle R. Den dey was all dead beets. {Ine Hay- 
makers hold a whispered conversation and suddenly burst 

out in laughter) . „ , , -, /v 

Nora. Begorra, thim fellers have clane gone datty. 

Haymaker. Yes, an' we've got a nice bunch of daffy- 
dills for ye. ^ -, £. j-i 

Ted. 'Tain't time of year for daffodils. 

Haymaker. 'Tis for the kind we've got. Here s one 
of 'em: What did the barn swallow that made artichoke.^ 
(Others are given in rapid succession by the different Hay- 
makers. The words should be spoken very distinctly, "^hese 
may be changed to suit the occasion and local hits added if 
desired. See Suggestions) 

Did ole-and-er poppy see Jack-m-the-pulpitr • 

Was Bob White robin Phoebe? 

Did the cow-slip when the prim-rose? 

Does the fox-glove fit the dande-lion? 

Did ant-elope with jack rabbit? 

Does Dela-ware a Panama? 

Did Chica-go to hear Lan-sing? 



24 A Rustic Minstrel Show 

What did Tennes-see Pekin' in China? 

If the stone-walk can the tomato catsup? (catch up) 

If Joshua' two hundred pounds how much will caraway? 

If Cal-cutta Little Rock what will Connect-i-cut? 

(All together, pronouncing each word distinctly.) 

If John-quil beet rose-mary lettuce cauli-fiower. 

Aunt D. Dey's suah daffy. Dey's jes' like clocks 
wiv wheels in dere heads. 

Mr. S. It's 'bout time to wind 'em up an' give us a 
song then. (During the prelude, the Haymakers make 
motions of winding up heads and all sing some good nonsense 
medley) 

Mr. S. Did I tell ye 'bout that dream I had t'other 
night? 

Uncle R. (straightening up). Wat was yo' dream 
about, boss? 

Mr. S. I dreamt I was a millionaire. 

Pat. Begorra, there's no flies on that drame. 

Mr. S. An' I went to the Hotel for my dinner. 

(Mention some prominent or local hostelry) 

Uncle E. Golly, dat's a mighty scrumptious one so 
fur. 

Mr. S. But I didn't get a bite to eat after all. 

Pat and Uncle R. How was that? 

Mr. S. Why, ye see everything was printed on a slip 
of paper in a foreign language an' I couldn't read a blamed 
word of it. 

All. 0-o-o-oh! 

Mr. S. An' jest then I woke up. 

Nora. An' yez niver got a shmill uv the foine dinner? 

Mr. S. Not a smell. 

Nora. Shure, an' 'twas too bad, so it was. I'd jist 
tould 'em to brung on some mate an' praties ony way. 

Pat. Or an ould fashioned Irish stew, bedad. 

PiETRO. Geeva me plenta speghett. 

Bianca. And da good-a macaron'. 

Aunt D. I'd jes' tole 'em to fotch on a fricasseed 
chicken. 

Uncle R. Jes' gib me a hunk of Gawgy watermilyun 
fo' de desert. 



A Rustic Minstrel Show ^5 

Sol. I yoost dake some rye pread undt maype some 
fish. 

Victoria. I would have a glass of wine. 

Ted. a good big piece of mince pie and some ice-cream 
for mine. 

John. Me too — mince pie and strawberry ice-cream. 

Mr. S. Ye're genooine Americans. {To Haymakers) 
An' what would yew do, boys? 

Haymakers. We'd take the hull business. 

Mr. S. That's jest what I'd dew, an' if I ever get 
to be a millionaire I'll invite ye all down to that same hotel 
an' we'll have a fust-class A No. 1 dinner, b'gosh. 

Ted. Say, pa, John's got a piece to speak about a 
millionaire. 

Mr. S. Wal, let him speak it. 

(John may recite the following) 

If I WAS A Millionaire 

I tell you what would jest suit me — 

To be a millionaire. 
An' not be scrimped for anything 

To eat or drink or wear. 
If anybody wants to shift 

Their load of wealth an' care, 
I'd like to jest swap places with 

Some puffed-up millionaire. 

I'd ride 'round in my auto car, 

Or else I'd take my ease; 
I'd change my clothes six times a day, 

Or oftener as I please; 
An' every day I'd have ice-cream 

Upon my bill of fare — 
Oh, gee! I'd cut a figure swell 

If I uz a millionaire. 

I'd take a trip around the world 

A couple times a year, 
An' all the grandest operas 

I'd always go to hear; 



26 A Rustic Minstrel Show 

I^d wear a diamond in my shirt — 
'Twould make the people stare, — 

Oh, yes, I'd keep things ''going some" 
If I 'uz a milhonaire. 



An' once a week I'd have my friends 

All come with me an' dine; 
I'd feed 'em on the choicest meats 

An' richest kind of wine, 
'Cause I would have a lot of friends 

If I'd the wealth to spare, — 
You bet they'd be as thick as hops 

If I 'uz a millionaire. 

I'd have to help the colleges 

'Cause that would give me fame; 
I'd scatter 'round some libraries 

So folks would speak my name; 
An' then there's lots of poor folks, tocx^ 

Would come in for a share — 
I'd give 'em all a house an' lot 

If I 'uz a millionaire. 

So if you hear of any one — 

Some rich old man, you see, 
Who wants to give away his wealth, 

Why, send him 'round to me. 
I'll try to do the best I can. 

An' treat folks on the square, 
You bet I'd have a bully time 

If I 'uz a millionaire. 
(7/ desired, a stanza of Gus Edward's song ''If I was a 
millionaire '^ may he rendered here) 

Mr. S. Wal, Miss Gypsy woman, we hain't heard 
from yew yet. 

Victoria. Shall I tell your fortune? 
Mr. S. So ye tell fortunes, eh? 
Victoria. Yes, 



A Rustic Minstrel Show 27 

If thou wilt cross my palm with gold 
Thy future's secrets Til unfold. 

(She takes Mr. S's hand in hers and gazes at it while she 
recites the following or sings to tune of "Catch the Sunshine.'') 

Listen, listen to thy fortune 

By a roving gypsy told : 
Life shall hold for thee much pleasure; 

Thou shalt have thy share of gold ; 
Many friends to cheer and comfort 

Thou shalt have when thou art old, — 
List, oh listen to thy fortune 

By a roving gypsy told. 

Mr. S. That's a mighty good fortune. 

Uncle R. I done had my fo'tune toF once when I 
was a li'l pickanin'. 

Nora. Phwat did they tell yez. Uncle Rastus? 

Uncle R. Dey toP me I was bo'n under a lucky star 
wiv a silber spoon in my mouf an' dat I'se gwine become a 
gweat man some day. 

Pat. Begorra thot must have been a shootin' starh 
an' a tin shpoon. 

Victoria. Let me tell your fortune now. (She takes 
his hand in hers and recites or sings) 

Listen, listen to thy fortune 
By a gypsy maid revealed — 

(She bends over to examine his hand more closely and 
Uncle Rastus withdraws it) 

Uncle R. Hoi' on dar, Miss! My ol' woman'll get 
jealous ef yo' done kiss my han'. 

Victoria. I don't want to kiss your hand. It's so 
black I couldn't see the lines. 

Pat. Begorra, he's a blackhander. 

Aunt D. Nebber yo' min'. Miss Gypsy woman, he 
ain't nebber gwine hab no fo'tune. He's too shif'less 
altogedder. 



28 A Rustic Minstrel Show 

Mr. S. Wal, hain't we goin' to have another song? 

(Victoria may sing some appropriate old-time or popular 
song and introduce simple dance steps if desired. As an 
encore or during chorus Mr. Slocum may join with her in 
song or dance) 

ENTER Mrs. Slocum, r. 

Mrs. S. Wal, of all things! ' I declare, Henry Slocum, 
hain't ye got no work to do? I thought ye was out in the 
hayfield. {The Haymakers appear to enjoy the surprise 
and bewilderment of Mr. Slocum) 

Mr. S. Ye — yes, I have been, but I jest sot down. 

Mrs. S. Ye hain't settin' down now. 

Mr. S. N-no, but I have been. I had to rest a spell. 
A feller can't work all the time, ye know. 

Ted. He's a middleman in our show, ma. 

Mrs. S. Middleman? Wal, I've read 'bout them 
middlemen makin' all the profits now-days, but I don't see 
much profit in this. An' yew're here too, be ye, Nora? 

Nora. Yis, mum. We just had to hilp the byes wid 
their show. 

Mr. S. Yes, we're all in the same boat — Uncle Rastus 
an' Aunt Dinah an' Solomon an' Pat. 

Mrs. S. I should say as much. 

Ted. Oh, ma, we've had the bulliest time you ever 
saw. 

Mr. S. I've enjoyed it purty well myself, too. 

Several. So'vewe! So'vewe! So say we all of us. 

Mr. S. Hear that? What ye goin' to do 'bout it, 
mother? 

Mrs. S. I'd orter let ye go 'thout yer dinner for bein' 
sech a goose. 

Mr. S. That wouldn't do at all. Let's yew an' me 
sing the closin' piece, then we'll all go in to dinner — the 
hull blamed shootin' match. 

Mrs. S. The idee! Why, Henry Slocum, I hain't 
got vittles enough cooked up for a hull picnic party. 

Mr. S. Never mind 'bout that now. We'll divide up 



A Rustic Minstrel Show 29 

when we get there. I'll risk but what yeVe got enough. 
Let's sing that air song now. 

(They sing some old-fashioned song. All join in chorus. 
As curtain falls, Mr. S. says, ''Come, everybody, now for 
dinner,^') 

CURTAIN 



THE DEACON 

COMEDY-DRAMA IN FIVE ACTS, BY HORACE C. DALE 
PRICE 25 CENTS 

Nine male, six female characters, including eccentric comedy old man, 

I'uvenile lead, genteel villain, negro, country boy, first and second walking 
ady, comic old maid, juvenile, and soubrette. Four of the male characters 
may be played by one utility man. Time of playing, 2^4 hours. Easily 
staged, and full of startUng incidents. 

SYNOPSIS OF INCIDENTS. 

Act I. — Scene — Eastville Hotel garden. The robbery. Pete delivers 
an invitation. Meeting of Graef and Wheeler. The Deacon's arriyal. The 
Deacon gets hilarious. The Deacon is sick. 

Act II. — Scene — Mrs. Thornton's sitting-room. Pete promotes himself. 
Miss Amelia is anxious about her "dear little pet." The Deacon makes 
a mistake. "Were you and Bill married by candle light?" "Deacon, you 
are drunk." Miss Amelia prescribes for the Deacon. 

Act III. — Scene I- — A street. Mother and child. The meeting of 
husband and wife. "What, you here?" Accused of many bitter things. 
Left in the streets. 

Scene II. — Geo. Graef's lodgings. The finding of the diamonds. Meet- 
ing of Graef and Mrs. Darrah. "Minnie, is this you?" The photo. "Yes, 
alas, too well!" 

Scene III. — A street. Pete persuades Billy to accompany him on an 
expedition. 

Scene IV. — A wood. Treasure hunters. The treasure is found. Caught 
by the spirits. 

Act IV. — Scene — Mrs. Thornton's sitting-room. Daisy shows Pete what 
she would do. Miss Amelia's heart is in a flutter. Pete at his tricks. 
Consternation. The Deacon taken by surprise. Again there is consterna- 
tion. Billy creates excitement. "Thank Heaven! At last I enfold thee." 

Act V. — Scene — Mrs. Thornton's sitting-room. The Deacon in clover. 
The interrupted marriage ceremony. "That man has a wife living." " 'Tis 
false!" An attack. The villain foiled. Arrest of Geo. Darrah. Reinstate- 
ment of Graef. Mrs. Darrah and Nellie forgiven. The Deacon made happy. 

THE DEACON'S TRIBULATIONS 

A C0MEDY-DR4MA IN FOUR ACTS, BY HORACE C. DALE 

PRICE IS CENTS 

Eight male, four female characters, consisting of eccentric old man, 
juvenile lead, two heavy and one eccentric characters, country boy, negro, 
utility, comic old woman, walking lady, juvenile, soubrette. Time of playing, 
2 hours. A bright sequel to "The Deacon/' and final cure of his fond- 
ness for "lemonade with a stick in it." Pete is tricky as ever. Daisy is 
made happy forever. 

SYNOPSIS OF INCIDENTS. 

Act L — Deacon Thornton at home. Amelia delivers a curtain lecture, 
and the Deacon grows meek. Brandy and parsley. An innocent kiss. Dusty 
Tim. The jail-breakers. Pete at his old tricks. The Deacon to the rescue. 
I fetched it, I fotched it!" 

Act II. — The Deacon's sitting-soom. Daisy's elation. A black and white 
bargain. The coon-hunt. "Swiping" the wrong victim. The letter from 
a tramp. Billy's pet rooster. The robbery and the clue. A resurrected 
mogul plays possum and creates a panic. 

Act III. — Bums' retreat. The conspiracy. The coon-hunters. Fete 
makes a discovery. The Deacon comes home the worse for wear, and starts 
another upheaval. The abduction and the alarm. Amelia's predicament. 
In Heaven's name, what does this mean?" 

Act IV. — Awaiting developments at Bums' retreat. A midnight hold-up. 
A tilt between Amelia and Daisy. The Deacon's promise. A new surprise. 
Dusty Jim's account of himself. Reconciliation. "United we stan', 'vided 
we fall. Hooray l" 



JOSIAH'S COURTSHIP 

A FARCICAL COMEDY W FOUR ACTS, BY HORACE C. DALB, 
PRICE 35 CENTS 

Six male, five female characters, eccentric old man, leading gentleman, 
genteel heavy, walking gentleman, juvenile comedy, Irish and Ethiopian 
comedy, eccentric old maid, leading lady, walking lady, and soubrette. 
Striking "situations," climax at act-endings, merriment and pathos. Can 
be played in any hall. Time of playing, 2 hours. 

SYNOPSIS OF INCIDENTS. 

Act I. — Parlor at Priscilla Brown's. A kettle of fish. A mistaken 
embrace and a total eclipse. A dusky prophet. The girl's compact. "I's 
wid yo', perd, ebery time." Sharp, the detective. The "angel" gives some 
good advice. A wronged and childless widow. The rival suitors. Jeff's 
plans begin to work. "Curse you, I'll " Consternation. Picture. 

Act II. — Sharp's office. The detective and the "angel." A trick on the 
Irishman. Josiah gets excited again. Joe gives the old man a "tip." A 
providential interruption. The "angel" offers some more good advice. The 
story of Josiah's life. An old man's darling. Priscilla scents a mouse. 
Out of the frying-pan into the fire. 

Act III. — Back at Priscilla's. Another embarrassment for Josiah. 
Priscilla in war paint. Reconciliation. More t.'ouble for Jeff. A spring 
chicken and an old hen. A bitter encounter. Defiance. Josiah makes a 
bargain. Confusion worse confounded. 

Act IV. — Scene as before. A vote of confidence. A few more pointed 
questions. Mike on a tear. Josiah's ultimatum. A father's confession and 
an unexpected guest. ^ The " 'splosion." Tom's exculpation. The biter bit. 
Father and son. Priscilla relents. "Call in the preacher and let's all be 
happy l" The remnants of Mike. Finale. 



BREAKING HIS BONDS 

A COMEDY-DRAMA IN FOUR ACTS, BY HORACE C. DALB. 
PRICE 25 CENTS 

Six male, three female characters, including leading man, genteel heavy, 
walking gentleman, walking comedy (dude), eccentric comedy, Irish comedy, 
leading emotional lady, comedy walking lady, and soubrette. Time of play- 
ing, 2 hours. The theme is entirely new, with plot and counter plot, and 
opportunities for strong acting. 

SYNOPSIS OF INCIDENTS. 

Act I. — Lelar's mansion. Master and man. Micky's alarm. The rival 
lovers. A friendly warning. Masked villainy. A puzzled physician. 
Resolve. "Ha, traitors! have I caught you?" "Howard! husband! are you 
crazy?" "Have you no answer to make, you guilty scoundrel!" "None 
in your present condition, sir," "Then die!" Picture. 

Act II. — Scene sarne as before. Lawyer and lady. An explanation 
demanded. Determination. A love spat. Micky's veracity is questioned, 
A crestfallen Irishman. Articles of partnership, A dazed wife. "And 
your name is what?" "Crazed!" Picture. 

AcT^ III, — Deem*s_ law office. A pliant tool. An unwelcome visitor. 
Revelations, A collision. Snoolcs in clover. An incensed Irishman. Hus« 
band and wife. Mental thraldom. Breaking his bonds. Picture. 

Act IV. — An appeal for mercy in behalf of Snooks, An arch con" 
fession. Meditated murder. A soliloquy. Snooks proves himself a con« 
summate actor, "You shall not deprive me of justice!" "My dear boy^ 
b»ve I found you at lastt" Humiliation. Joy after sorrow. Picture. 



THE MAN FROM MAINE 

A DRAMA IN FIVE ACTS 

By CHARLES TOWNSEND 

PRICE 25 CENTS 

Nine male, three female characters. A young man from Maine, a 
wealthy New Yorker, a young lawyer, a swell English lord, Faro Phila, 
black sheep; a dude, a Bowery bruiser, Billy the Bum, a darkey servant. 
A social leader, a woman with a history, a Daisy Maine wildflower. Time 
of playing, 2% hours. 4 interior scenes. 

SYNOPSIS OF INCIDENTS. 

Act I. — Van Cruger's vanity. The letter. A cool reception. Mrs. 
Bradley's cunning. The question. The threat. 

Act II.— a week later. Some hot words. The decoy letter. A game 
of cards. The biter bitten. 

Act III. — A day later. Phil's scheme. A specimen "tough." An 
untimely arrival. A shrewd adventuress. A brutal couple. The threat. 
A desperate game. 

Act IV. — An hour later. A "dive" in the Bowery. Billy the Bum. 
A hard crowd. The row. A lucky arrival. A struggle for life. Muggins 
learns a lesson. 

Act V. — The next morning. A smashed up dude. Nearing the end. 
Mabel's experience. Brought to bay. The last resort. Foiled. 



Timothy Delano's Courtship 

COMEDY IN TWO ACTS 

By MARTHA R. ORNE 

PRICE IS CENTS 

Two male, three female characters. A rich old gentleman, an old maid, 
a young girl and her brother, a colored servant girl. Time of playing, ij4 
hours. The old aunt talks in Mrs. Partington's style, i parlor scene. 

SYNOPSIS OF INCIDENTS. 

Act I. — The old aunt insists on her niece accepting old Timothy. Rick's 
little game and the darkey's strategy. 

Act II. — The scheme works. Timothy hears some things which astonish 
him. His escape, Aunt Tabitha catches bira on the rebound, and he atayi 
caught. 




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MILITARY PLAYS 

25 CENTS EACH 

BY THE ENEMY'S HAND. 4 Acts; 2 hours 10 

EDWARDS, THE SPY. 5 Acts; 2% hours ] 10 

PRISONER OF ANDERSON VILLE. 4 Acts; 2M hours.. 10 

CAPTAIN DICK. 3 Acts; 1)4 hours 9 

ISABEIi, THE PEARL OF CUBA. 4 Acts; 2 hours 9 

LITTLE SAVAGE. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Settiug 4 

BY FORCE OF IMPULSE. (15 cents.) 5 Acts; 2]4 hours 9 
BETWEEN TWO FIRES. (15 cents.) 3 Acts; 2 hours 8 



RURAL PLAYS 

25 CENTS EACH 

MAN FROM MAINE. 5 Acts; 2J4 hours 9 

AMONG THE BERKSHIRES. 3 Acts; 214 hours 8 

OAK FARM. 3 Acts; 21^ hours; 1 Stage Setthig 7 

GREAT AVINTERSON MINE. 3 Acts; 2 hours 6 

SQUIRE THOMPKINS' DAUGHTER. 5 Acts; 2i^ hours 5 

"WHEN A MAN'S SINGLE. 3 Acts; 2 hours 4 

FROM PUNKIN RIDGE. (15 cents.) 1 Act; Ihour... 6 

LETTER FROM HOME. (15 cents.) 1 Act; 25 minutes 1 



ENTERTAINMENTS 

25 CENTS EACH 

AUNT DINAH'S QUILTING PARTY. 1 Scene 5 11 

BACHELOR MAIDS' REUNION. 1 Scene 2 30 

IN THE FERRY HOUSE. 1 Scene; IJ^ hours 19 15 

JAPANESE AVE DDING. 1 Scene; 1 hour 3 10 

MATRIMONIAL EXCHANGE. 2 Acts; 2 hours 6 9 

OLD PLANTATION NIGHT. 1 Scene; 134 hours 4 4 

YE VILLAGE SKEAVL OF LONG AGO. 1 Scene. 13 12 

FAMILIAR FACES OF A FUNNY FAMILY 8 11 

JO LL Y B ACHE LORS . Motion Song or Recitation 11 

CHRISTMAS MEDLEY. 30 minutes 15 14 

EASTER TIDINGS. 20 minutes 

BUNCH OF ROSES. (15 cents.) 1 Act; li^ hours 1 13 

OVER THE GARDEN WALL. (15 cents) 11 




DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 18 Ann Street, N. 



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LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 





COMEDIES AND 

25 CENTS EACH 



017 400 509 6 



BREAKING HIS BONDS. 4Act6;2hours 6 

BUTTERNUT'S BRIDE. 3 Acts; 2i^ hours 11 

COLLEGE CHUMS. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 9 

COUNT OF NO ACCOUNT. 3 Acts; 2i^ hours 9 

DEACON. 5 Acts; 21^ horns 8 

DELEGATES FROM DEK'VER. 2 Acts; 45 minutes 3 

DOCTOR BY COURTESY. 3 Acts; 2 hours 6 

EASTSIDERS, The. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 8 

ESCAPED FROM THE LAW. 5 Acts; 2 hours 7 

GIRL FROM PORTO RICO. 3 Acts; 2i^ hours 5 

GYPSY QUEEN. 4 Acts; 2)4 hours 5 

IN THE ABSENCE OF SUSAN. 3 Acts; 1}^ hours 4 

JAILBIRD. 5 Acts; 21^ hours 6 

.JOSIAH'S COURTSHIP. 4 Acts; 2 hours 7 

MY LADY DARRELL. 4 Acts; 2}^ hours 9 

MY UNCLE FROM INDIA. 4 Acts, 2i^ hours 13 

NEXT DOOR. 3Act8;2hours 5 

PHYLLIS' S INHERITANCE. 3 Acts; 2 hours 6 

REGULAR FLIRT. 3 Acts; 2 hours 4 

ROGUE'S LUCK. 3Act8;2hour8 5 

SQUIRE'S STRATAGEM. 5 Acts; 2i^ hours 6 

STEEL KING. 4 Acts; 2>^ hours 5 

WHAT'S NEXT? 3 Acts; 2^ hours 7 

WHITE LIE. 4Act8; 2J^ hours 4 



WESTERN PLAYS 

25 CENTS EACH 

ROCKY FORD. 4Act8;2hour8 8 

GOLDEN GULCH. 3 Acts; 2^ hours 11 

RED ROSETTE. 3Act8;2hours 6 

MISS MOSHER OF COLORADO. 4 Acts; 2^^ hours... 5 

STUBBORN MOTOR CAR. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 7 

CRA^VFORD'S CLAIM. (15 cents.) 3 Acts; 2^ hours. 9 



DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 18 Ann Street, N. Y. 



